A Quick Guide To Urinal Etiquette

The public toilet (bathroom for the yanks) is a place and a situation where the obedience of the bro code is most important, where strict etiquette separates a bro, a MAN, from those other guys we do not speak of.

The Basics

urinal etiquette

The Most Important Part

When entering and choosing a urinal, you not only want as much distance as possible from any occupied urinals, you also need to think about those who may come in during your number 1.

This little sketch found at Ninjas and Velociraptors (ninjadude73.blogspot.co.uk) demonstrates an empty 3 urinal situation very well. All bros are obviously looking to be the considerate guy.

3 Urinal Situation

Other Important Notes

  • Don’t bring food and drink in with you, such multitasking may lead to eyes or even worse, hands wondering, and you will inevitably make others uncomfortable.

  • Letting one rip is not only manly, but comical. So feel free to let one rip. This IS NOT grounds to break any rules, eyes front, mouth shut!

  • Once finished, fasten up your zip/button fly before you break away and turn around to leave.

  • Wash your hands.

  • In the toilet, you may talk but ONLY if all involved in the conversation have their back turned to the urinals, and you are actively trying to leave the room.

Tricky Situations

All empty, as mentioned above you consider those who may enter after you, so you go for urinal 1 or 6.

 

Here you have 2 inconsiderate assholes taking 2 middle urinals, leaving you the only option of urinal 6.

 

Here you have a considerate Bro, ideally you want urinal 6, but urinal 5 is acceptable with good reason, like the urinal being next to the main door, or next to the sinks manned by an overly observational toilet attendant.

 

In this situation you have 3 guys nicely spaced out, urinal 2 is being inconsiderate, but you take urinal 1 and turn your back slightly to gain more privacy.

 

Some of you may look at this one and think “surely it’s urinal 1”, but you are mistaken. Urinal 1 and 3 couples you with the guy at urinal 2. You go for urinal 4 and stay with the pack.

 

In this situation, you wait or use a cubicle. If you need a piss that badly, you’ll just have to man up and take the pain.

Credits to: “www.drinknation.com/fun/urinaltest”, “sumomus (sumomus.deviantart.com/)” and Ninjas and Velociraptors (ninjadude73.blogspot.co.uk)